Man behöver inte klicka runt i kommentarsfält särskilt länge för att stöta på riktigt fascinerande resonemang.
För några dagar sen skrev Isabella Löwengrip om charter och publicerade en några år gammal bild på sig själv. Lite yngre, kommenterade hon själv. Lite smalare, anmärkte genast en läsare. Och så började diskussionen kring om det var en okej kommentar eller inte. Förutom de rätt vanliga men-skaffa-dig-ett-liv-invändningarna så dök ett annat vanligt men märkligt argument upp: det var ju bara ett konstaterande.
Ungefär så här: det är inte taskigt att ‘bara konstatera fakta’ och det ligger ingen värdering i det. Det är inte elakt eller ‘näthat’ eftersom det handlar om att påpeka ett ‘visuellt faktum’, och att uttrycka ‘första tanken som slår en’ utan att mena något negativt med det.
Som samtalsforskare är förstås den här sortens argumentation rätt kul. Dum, men kul.
För det första: det finns inget ‘bara’ i att ‘konstatera fakta’. Vi använder ord för att göra olika saker och de är därför inte värderingsfria. ‘Fakta’ allra minst. Det finns alltid anledning att fråga sig vad folk egentligen gör när de ‘bara ställer en fråga’, ‘bara konstaterar fakta’ eller ‘bara undrar’. Och det analyserar vi hela tiden när vi pratar med varandra, så det är inte rocket science precis. Det är det som gör att när någon ‘konstaterar’ att du har snygga byxor så svarar du inte ‘ja det har jag’, utan du säger ‘tack’, eftersom det inte alls var ett konstaterande utan en komplimang.
För det andra: vad någon ‘faktiskt menar’, eller om någon ‘tänkte något negativt’ med det hen sa är inte relevant. Vi kan inte veta vad folk tänker, bara vad de säger. Och om det som sägs är problematiskt så spelar det i situationen ingen roll vad tanken var. Har du någon gång råkat säga något som gjorde en person ledsen fast du inte menade det så? Den personen blev ledsen alldeles oavsett vad du menade (att man kan försöka reparera det sedan är en annan grej). Det intressanta att ta med sig från såna situationer är vad det var i det du sa som fick den effekten, och om du kan lära dig att uttrycka dig så att det inte blir så igen.
För det tredje: det är fullkomligt absurt att hävda att något som sägs skulle vara mindre problematiskt för att det är ‘sant’ (eller ett ‘faktum’, vilket är att säga ungefär samma sak). Om man köper det argumentet så innebär det att någon som säger ‘du är dum’ bara säger något taskigt om det skulle vara så att du inte råkar vara särskilt dum, annars är det inte taskigt, utan bara ett ‘faktum’. Det innebär att till exempel mobbing skulle värderas baserat på om den är ‘berättigad’ eller inte – om den mobbade är tjock, har fula glasögon, ärvda kläder eller något annat som de mobbade barnen i filmer brukar ha, då är det inte mobbing att säga det, enligt det här sättet att resonera.
Givetvis är de här argumenten helt galna, och just därför är det intressant att de faktiskt används som försvar, och att de tillåts fungera som det utan att ens bemötas (‘skaffa dig ett liv själv’ räknar jag inte som att bemöta ett argument…).
Jag tror att om vi oftare ställde varandra till svars för argument som inte håller, så skulle vi tänka efter lite mer innan vi kastade ur oss dumheter.
Och man behöver inte klicka runt i kommentarsfält särskilt länge för att se att det finns en hel del dumheter där ute.
“Jag tror att om vi oftare ställde varandra till svars för argument som inte håller, så skulle vi tänka efter lite mer innan vi kastade ur oss dumheter.” Kunde inte hålla med mer. Jag har blivit bättre på att ställa folk till svars när de säger saker som är bullshit (vilket på internet är extra vanligt), och man märker vilken skillnad det gör när de tvingas tänka efter vad de egentligen skrivit/sagt. Även fast de flesta slänger av sig kritik så fort det bara går så kanske de tar till sig det så småningom.
Ja, förhoppningsvis gör de ju det!
Ja men exakt! Så klart och tydligt uttryckt och jag kan bara hålla med, inga tillägg.
Du skriver så bra, jag har också funderat i liknande banor… Fast jag tänker på hur enormt viktigt det kommer att bli att jag som lärare väger mina ord på guldvåg eftersom det jag säger kan få konsekvenser i en annan människas liv. Ett enormt ansvar.
I bloggsfären finner man nog många förhastade kommentarer av folk som inte alltid tänker före, är bittra men det fina är alla peppande kommentarer och jag tycker att det verkar som om positiva kommentarer överväger. Dock inget jag undersökt närmare, det är bara en känsla jag har.
Ha det fint!
Ja, visst är det härligt med all positiv energi från fina kommentarer! Men kanske är det så att det i mängd behövs ännu fler såna, för att uppväga det negativa?
Samtalsforskning låter väldigt spännande, men klurigt med tanke på hur olika människor uttrycker sig, vilket iofs måste vara rena guldgruvan för en samtalsforskare.
Det är det!
Fast vi uttrycker oss mer lika än man kanske kan tro…
Sociala koder, svårt. Vad passar att säga i ett sammanhang? På ett mingelparty IRL är man försiktigare än på nätet, där sammanhanget kan växla vilt över tiden -även i en och samma diskussionstråd.
En av mina favoritkaraktärer i TV-världen är Seven-of-nine i serien Star Trek Voyager. En underskön kvinna uppväxt bland maskiner, med total okunskap om människolivets finesser.
För övrigt kan jag tipsa om de två orden “tycker jag” som man med fördel kan haka på sina konstateranden, så sparar man kanske några bräckliga egon.
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